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The Toughest Thing to Accept
I don’t have to look back very far at all to find things that I need to ask for forgiveness from. I know there are people I have hurt, words I have said, and things I have done that have hindered my relationship with God.
I don’t have to look back very far at all to find that I have been forgiven. I know that I have asked for forgiveness and it has been given, by God, and by others… forgotten, wiped clean, made new.
What struck me recently though was not the fact that I have been forgiven, but that what I have the most trouble with is accepting that forgiveness.
I was recently running sound when a guest was leading worship at our church. We were trying to work out monitors and sound, and in ears and .. well I was messing up right and left. I was pressing wrong buttons, sending the wrong mix and taking up alot of time. Through out it I was getting more and more frustrated, and more and more mad at myself. This in turn made me lose focus, make more mistakes and increase problem.
Everything finally worked out and we started the concert.
About halfway through he sang this these lyrics from the song Mighty to Save:
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.
And I teared up. I sat and looked at those words and I realized I was beating myself up over a few mistakes. I was not letting go. I was not forgiving myself.
And I realized too that messing up on running sound was really just a silly illustration that opened my eyes to a larger realization. Sometimes the hardest person to accept forgiveness from is yourself. The most difficult thing sometimes is to forget, to let go, and to move on. It is much easier to say “why didn’t I?” or “I’m so stupid”, or “I can’t believe I did that!”
So what about you?
Would love to hear your thoughts!
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